Defined as; the imparting or exchanging of information or news.
The spoken word, the written word and implication of an idea that has yet to be spoken…all forms of communication. All so easily misunderstood.

How many times have you sent an email only to be surprised at the reaction of the recipient? Apparently your cleverness did not translate similarly when read. It is easy to misunderstand something spoken. We can spin it so it appears to be more palatable to our emotional well-being. We can interpret some longed for intention we believe underlies in the promise of the words when they are not really there. We can sometimes seem to taste the frustration in the sender’s own words, or feel their sadness hidden in a text or e-mail, or even on the other end of a phone line. It’s the old reading between the lines notion.

There is a hint of appeal in the face of the woman talking to a man she barely knows. It has been realized and recognized as an invitation of some sort. A subconscious desire transcends their language and interrupts the otherwise professional nature of it. Society enters and frames the conversation with shade for the rising levels of inappropriateness. Even the written word is left to arouse temptation and quicken the breath. Words begin to generate the thoughts and entice the wrongness of it. The ego aches to seductively lounge there for a while. The divine consciousness demands evaluation of the need to love more completely and authentically.

A vow, or as the dictionary defines; a solemn promise to do a specified thing. Vows are words that to me should be more able to transcend analysis. They are meant to be spoken fervently and truthfully. They are meant to be recognized lovingly and completely. To me it appears as an insult to do otherwise. They are without loopholes. They are concise, definite statements honoring the willingness to uphold them. When witnessed they pronounce the terms going forward.

Is this why the compliment (a polite expression of praise or admiration) can sometimes be recognized as insulting? While designed to encourage it can often feel or appear to be requesting payment in advance. In other words, it is often meant to have a desired effect. To deny that is naïve.

Wanting to enjoy the compliment rather than be dismayed at its underlying disrespectfulness, it feels somewhat comfortable but also very much like a guilty pleasure. It speaks of acceptance of something less than the deserved whole. It speaks of a price costing unhappiness when brought into the light. It has become part of a negotiation. It is a dance.

I want to communicate this dance without guilt or misunderstanding. I wish to cause no violation of vow. The displeasure I cause may not be of my own doing but rather a casualty of another’s. To reach for it without sincerity means succumbing to ego rather than divine knowledge. The knowledge that I will not benefit from another’s lack is little comfort. The knowing that I look to benefit from communicating in an available partnership is a vow I make to myself. I will find the words.

I was pondering this just this morning. Glad I was for the lack of stimulating conversation previously welcomed but now seeming to require abatement. The suggested references to pleasant pastimes had been successfully avoided for some time now. It seemed to be unappreciated but not for me.

It is true that I was examining the possibilities of such a conversation. I long to speak passionately about the conditions that fill my mind in thought. As the music played the perfect soundtrack for just such an event, reality stood before me. Startled and amused, the words designed to deter inflamed the spirit instead. The words unspoken spoke volumes. They confirm I want to realize my goal. I know nothing less than all of someone’s attention is deserved, not just the juiciest pieces of it.

No longer do I toy with the idea that desire is anything more than folly. I want to reach for it. I want to taste it and learn the unique language it speaks. There will be no history, no consideration, no supportive love, only the longing of the flesh unless the self is honored with the vow of more.

I do.
Decidedly Debra
January 2020

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