The Number Seven

Let me apologize early on for what will be a personal post. Perhaps not void of valuable information if, like me, you find yourself smack dab in the middle of a relationship breakup.

It has been about seven weeks for me, Decidedly Debra. But the relationship was a long one. It lasted over seven years – nearly ten years if we had ended it this coming August. It was not without it’s rough spots but I own that as well as my [then] partner does. Inasmuch as many who knew us as a couple found our breakup surprising, there are at least seven that tell me they aren’t really surprised. On some level I was and yet in retrospect I am not. I guess it is some of the circumstances throughout this relationship I actually found surprising. In the long run It made the end of it not so surprising.

Recently I was remembering with fondness some of the time we spent together, particularly when we travelled.  I began to feel a distinct sense of sadness so I turned to the Internet for a bit of advice. I was looking for the “Seven” stages of grief. These 7 stages are relatable to loss of someone near and dear regardless if the loss is by death or simply a life choice.

1) Shock/Disbelief.

That certainly fits here. When someone who claims to love and be loved can shut down communications and lose the ability to allow their relationship to sustain them during times of stress and/or struggle is shocking and unbelievable.

2) Denial.

This can’t be happening. Certainly those consoling me believed it was not really the end. I too began to deny its end when I thought about it at that point.

3) Bargaining.

Maybe I should call and give him the chance to explain.

4) Guilt.

Was I at fault? Could I have behaved differently. Did I cause this breakup? Did I actually want this breakup???

5) Anger.

Really? After all we’ve shared and all I’ve done to negotiate circumstances in the past? Circumstances that now appear to have certainly had some bearing on the beginning of the end! Bite me (times seven)!

6) Depression.

‘Nuff said.

7) Acceptance/Hope.

I accept that I’ve made the right decision for myself. (Say that seven times to yourself before bed or first thing in the morning). I am hopeful my future will result in a relationship that brings me closer to true happiness and is enriching while we meet each other’s needs.

Meanwhile, Frankly Francine reminds me that as a “party of one” I can go to Costco (open seven days a week – but it is best to go on Tuesday for less crowds) and pick up the stuffed bell peppers I love. There are six to a package and I can easily and quickly cook all six. The ones remaining (did I mention my increased appetite during this breakup?) can each then be placed in its own baggie and frozen for grabbing to quickly and easily microwave for lunch or dinner later. They are truly delicious.

I wonder how many stages a dog goes through when they lose someone they’ve been close to?  Could it be seven?  How does that work when one dog year equals seven of our own?

Until next time. This is Decidedly Debra – and if you have some positivity you’d like to share, please, feel free.


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